5.7.2024

 I don't want to be on social media anymore but I do want to type my thoughts out.  I don't know whether I'll make this public or keep it like a diary yet. If I did make it public I don't know who'd read it or why.  Longform blogging is dead, (maybe it finally completely died out with the passing of Dooce).  I miss it anyway.  

I'm eating soup in my car in a PayLess Discount Foods parking lot in far southwest Olathe. If you think that sounds depressing, you're right but also probably underestimating how depressing it really is.  The PayLess is next to a pawn shop which is next to a Jazzercise which is next to a Swords & More. This area of the city is where hope and culture go to die. 

The soup is nuclear hot, both in terms of temperature and spice.  A pepper got stuck to my uvula and as I choked and cried until it detached I wondered if this is how I die, with a thermos of white chili in my lap and four days' worth of running clothes in the passenger seat. I wonder if they'd assume I'm living in my car.  I kind of do. 

B has musical rehearsal every night this week because it's production week.  Seven days of driving across town to camp out and steal WiFi from Scooters from 5-9 (12-9 on Saturday and Sunday). I volunteered to work as many shifts as I can because I'd rather pass out props and stand in a corner backstage than drive around aimlessly like a suburban wraith.  

The reason I don't want to be on social media anymore is because it's noisy there.   Too many ads, too many people reposting the same meme or getting way too worked up over whatever digital zeitgeist is currently holding our attention. Bears. Willy Wonka. It's Gonna Be May.  We've been doing this for at least a decade, this ritual reposting of the same stuff. None of it means anything anymore.  No one is learning or considering new ideas because we've blocked all our adversaries.  We're just all posting and nodding and circle jerking into oblivion. 

And if I see one more fucking care emoji I will throw my laptop into a fire. No. I will throw your laptop into the fire because you used the care emoji.  It's even lazier than thoughts and prayers, and some people exclusively use it and I don't acually believe you care that my sourdough was good but my honey wheat loaf was dense.  I don't expect you to care.  So let's all stop pretending we're one big family and go back to knowing much, much less about one another.